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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and key events, particularly within football. What a delight it was to learn that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who took the rest room rather too directly, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, the Italian striker entered a community college for toilet purposes in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|